so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
