So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
