On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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