He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
