We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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