I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
