day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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