i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
