I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
