the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I would ride that face into the sunset
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
