You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
