He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
