mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
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The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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