dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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