I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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