i would punch a child for taco bell
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
