There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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