im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize