I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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