You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
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i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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