I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
