I think I am morally bankrupt
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
