He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
