the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
