dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
