Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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