Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You are the jesus of drinking
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
