A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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