You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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