I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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