I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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