So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
