i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
