Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
