what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
