I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
