if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
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I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
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You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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