I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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