I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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