Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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