guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
