we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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