we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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