White coat. Heels.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
