It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
