i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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