I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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