I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
