I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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