..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
