actually, I'm a sock model
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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