Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize