it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
