Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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