If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
