Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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