You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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