I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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