I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
