In the future we'll all be gay
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
