No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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