that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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