Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
