...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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