apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
