i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
